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SAY LESS
Overexplaining looks like “being thorough.”
But most of the time?
It’s you trying to prevent:
→ being misunderstood
→ being judged
→ being rejected
→ or starting a conflict
So you add context.
Then more context.
Then a disclaimer.
Then a second disclaimer.
And now your simple message is a five-paragraph defense attorney statement.
Don’t do that. Tackle one point at a time. Let’s see how 👇🏽
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🚨 OKAY BACK TO TOPIC 🚨
THE PROBLEM
Overexplaining doesn’t make you clearer.
It makes you look unsure of yourself.
Because the subtext becomes:
→ I don’t trust my point to stand on its own
so I’m building padding around it
But,
The more you write, the more room there is for someone to misread you anyway.
EXAMPLE
☒ Overexplaining
Hey! So I just wanted to say that I totally understand where you’re coming from and I’m not trying to be rude at all, I just feel like maybe the timing is a little off and I’ve been overwhelmed lately and I don’t want you to think I’m ignoring you, it’s just a lot right now…
✓ Clean + confident
Hey—my bandwidth is low this week.
I’m going to respond slower than usual, but I’m not ignoring you.
Same message.
Less panic.
More respect for your own time.
WHAT YOU CAN DO
1) Say the point first. Then stop.
Your first sentence should stand alone.
Do:
→ point
→ one sentence of context (optional)
→ next step
2) Delete your disclaimers
Most overexplaining starts with:
→ “I’m not trying to…”
→ “I don’t mean this in a bad way…”
→ “I could be wrong but…”
You’re handing them uncertainty before you even speak.
Swap with:
→ “Here’s what I mean:”
→ “My take is simple:”
→ “What I’m saying is:”
3) Use the “One Breath Rule”
If you can’t say it in one breath, you’re probably padding. Write it like a voice note you’d send without rehearsing. Short. Direct.
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4) Replace explanation with a boundary
Overexplaining often happens when you’re saying “no.” So say “no” cleanly.
Examples you can steal:
→ I can’t commit to that right now.
→ That doesn’t work for me.
→ I’m not available for that.
→ I’m going to pass, but I appreciate you asking.
→ I need more time before I decide.
No courtroom speech required.
5) If you feel the urge to justify, add one sentence and stop
If you need context, use ONE line. Not five.
Example:
→ “I’m saying no because I’m protecting my schedule this month.”
That’s it.
You don’t need to prove your reason is “valid.”
Overexplaining is often a form of people-pleasing.
It’s you trying to control how someone reacts to you.
But you can’t.
So instead, choose this:
→ be clear
→ be kind
Done.
BTW… THANK YOU FOR BEING AN INTEGRAL PART OF MY COMMUNITY
🧡
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- AUNY 🧡
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